ice cream cone life

This is what I recently found on my counter.  With a certain 15lb cat sitting next to it licking his paws.

Dear Gordo,

Please tell me, why do you like carbs so much?  I must remind you that you are a cat.  Cats are supposed to eat meat.  Not muffins, or cakes, peanuts, popcorn or rice.  And certainly not the freshly baked zucchini bread from my Aunt.  I usually store these food stuffs securely in cabinets, behind closed doors, at a hight not reachable by your like, because if I let my guard down one iota, you attack.  You don't zip across the yard tormenting rodents and birds.  You don't climb trees or stalk rabbit holes.  No. You sit.  And you wait.  Until our backs are turned.  And then, you sink your canines into my pastries.  Pure maliciousness.